SELF-PORTRAIT

Death/Religion/Spirituality


Q: It’s been said that to understand and appreciate life, one must first contemplate and come to terms with death. Do you spend time thinking about your own death?

A: Wait, who said that?

Q: I think it was Bono.

A: He did? What song?

Q: He didn’t say it in a song, he said it in a book I just finished reading. He said something about how to understand life better, you must first understand death. Do you agree with that?

A: I’m sure someone said it before Bono though, right?

Q: You’re stalling.

A: No, I haven’t spent a lot of time contemplating death. Now that I am in my thirties though, I consider my own mortality more often than I used to. I suppose it’s a natural thing. You start to realize that you are not going to live forever. People around you begin to die and it hits you, “holy shit, that’s going to be me someday!”

Q: What do you think happens to us when we die?

A: You ask some heavy questions. You’re a bit of a downer.

Q: Would you like a different question? What’s your favorite color? Do you like lollipops?

A: I don’t think about death often enough to have a clear belief in what’s on the other side, or even if there is an ‘other side’. You can’t trust anyone who says they know what happens to us when we die or worse yet, someone who is sure of what happens to us when we die. People who say they know are usually trying to get into your wallet, and people who believe in their hearts that they know are the ones who fly planes into buildings. I like to think that the universe is a living breathing thing and that we are all somehow connected to it and to one another.

Q: So you believe in a sort of universal collective or consciousness?

A: I suppose, and it doesn’t matter what you call it. Look, some people call it God. Some People call it the Tao, or Dharma or Allah or energy, or the infinite field or whatever. In Star Wars they call it The Force. I don’t think it matters what you call it, what matters is that once you have had a few experiences that point to it’s reality, you feel that it’s there. But I think you are either a crook or a loon when you go around guaranteeing it or defining it.

Q: So all religions are equally o.k. in your eyes?

A: No. The spiritual ideas are o.k but once you start getting into prophets on flying horses ascending into heaven or babies being born of virgins, you’re into mythology, fantasy and make-believe which is o.k. for children but it has nothing to do with a mature spirituality. That has more to do with wanting to be a part of a club. Religion inevitably always turns into ‘my god is better than your god’ and that’s when people start getting killed.

Q: So, what would you imagine an after life to be like?

A: That’s just it, that is the magic word; ‘imagine.’ It’s all made up; mind to mind and person to person it’s going to be different. I don’t imagine the after life. I haven’t spent a lot time contemplating it, and you can’t get to the bottom of it anyway. It’s a pretty big hole we’re talking about, death. You know? You can waste your life staring into that abyss. Or you can run around like a radical, be it a Muslim or a Christian or whatever, and tell people that you know exactly what’s in there, and that if anyone looks in there and sees something different than you do, then they are a bad person who is going to meet up with some horrible fate, possibly in this life and definitely for all eternity. Or you can lose your mind by diving in and thinking that you’re going to get to the bottom of it, but there is no bottom. The secret is that there is no secret.

Q: So what is it that bothers you? That people have faith in something you do not have faith in or that people organize into religious groups in order to practice these faiths? Or is it both?

A: What bothers me is that people get killed and that precious resources are wasted because of ideas that no one can prove and probably will never be able to prove. How can you prove that Mohammed rode a winged horse to the heavens? Where do you start the inquiry? And does it really matter? How do you prove that Jesus was born of a virgin? Is it really worth killing someone who doesn’t believe that? Because throughout history a lot of people have been killed for not believing that.
What bothers me is any faith, or any religion that holds at its core an idea that you are somehow superior to others because you have the only true religion. If you buy into that, you’ve been set up. And you know what? They all sell that same idea. Look at the texts, they are all the one true religion; at least the main ones.

Q: What do you mean by set up?

A: Well now you will have an idea in your head or a feeling in your heart that the people next door or down the street are not as important as you are. That you and those who believe what you believe share some connection with God that others cannot be a part of. You can go around saying that you tolerate other beliefs, but deep down, if you buy into the belief that your religion is right and you are going to go to paradise when you die and everyone else who thinks differently is damned, you will believe that you are more important than other people. That’s the dangerous thing about religion and that’s what has to stop.

Q: So there should be no religion?

A: I think anything that makes a person more loving, caring, giving, tolerant of others, rational, and reasonable is a good thing. If religion can do that for you, then it’s a good thing, but I don’t think any of the main religions do that any more, or that they ever did. From my perspective, they do not serve people in a positive way. And the reality is that it has become relatively easy to kill a large number of people all at once; and if you believe in your heart that you are fulfilling the will of your  'one true god'  then why not do it? You'll be a star in your religious group.  You'll go down as a hero to the people who mean the most to you.  A religion like that should be treated like any dangerous hate group. They are no different than skin-heads or any other group that preaches that their group is inherently superior to other groups and consequently, people who are not members of their group are less important.

Q: Does that make it difficult for you to be tolerant of people’s religious preferences?

A: Well, that’s a funny question because at the core of most of the main religions is an intolerance of other faiths. They preach intolerance. They preach that there is such a thing as living forever, or eternal salvation. A life of bliss in the afterworld, but this can only be achieved by following one way of life. They all preach this. They can’t all be right, so these become points of conflict rather than ideas that can help humanity. Not only do religious people become intolerant of people who do not believe what they believe, but they begin to look at them as less important. In the eyes of many religious people the logic goes something like this; someone who does not share their beliefs is denying the truth about God, therefore, they must be evil, therefore they are going to hell, therefore, they cannot really be as important to god as I am. So, yes, I am intolerant of people who believe that their religion is the one true religion. In many cases it can be dangerous and in every case it is based on fantasy.

Q: So, gun to your head, what do you believe?

A: Gun to my head?

Q: Yeah, I’m god and I have a gun to your head. You have to tell me your idea of the universe or I’ll blow your head off, what do you say?

A: Chill, God.

Q: Bang. 

A: I prefer to try and understand the fact that there are things we do not know and that we may never know. Some people cannot live with that. I can’t define God and I can’t define the after life; and that’s fine with me. They say that there is a heaven and that people who do this and that are going to make the list and everyone else is going to hell where the devil is going to stab them with a pitchfork for all eternity, and if you ask them how they know, they tell you that they just know because that’s what they believe, they have faith. However, it seems to me that having a faith in God or in anything for that matter, means understanding that you don’t know what’s on the other side and being o.k. with that. You have faith because you DON’T know something for sure. Because you can’t define it. That is real faith. You can’t have faith without doubt. Otherwise it’s too easy. You know, ‘why hast thou forsaken me?’

Q: Why do you suppose people have trouble with this dichotomy?

Certainty is power. If you feel powerless in your everyday life and you want to have something that is certain, something that is guaranteed, religion will do the trick. But, claiming to know what you cannot possibly know; is either stupidity, or ignorance or madness or a cry for help. I have faith, but it is in the fact that it will all be alright. If there is a God then he or she or it has a plan for me or my energy or my spirit when I die.

Q: Then what are you concerned with?

A: Being as happy as I can be while still being courteous to people and being productive enough to support myself and my loved ones. That’s it.

Q: What does any of this have to do with that hole you were talking about?

A: The abyss?

Q: Yeah the abyss?

A: There is a lot of stuff going on away from the abyss that is worth doing. There’s art to make and people to love and songs to sing and wine to drink. The problem is that there are also a lot of bad things that can happen, like wars, natural disasters, losing loved ones and getting cheated on and getting sick, and getting addicted to vices and getting taken advantage of. I think people hang around religion in order to keep the bad experiences at bay or to be able to explain the bad stuff; but of course, you also lose out on a lot of the good things that life has to offer. The good and bad together are what make a life that is worth living. This life is the one we should be worried about, not some afterlife that we have to guess about.

Q: So there may or may not be an after-life and you could care less?

A: Right now, yes I could care less. I’ll worry about it when I’m dead. Maybe yes, maybe no, maybe rain maybe snow.

Q: Meaning?

A: I have no idea, but my mother says it all the time. It is much funnier when she says it because she has a Cuban accent and she says it in a sort of animated way. It’s brilliant nonsense.